Tag: Mariners
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Progress Report: 10 % Complete, 100 % Elite
The Northwest Green Machine has completed sixteen games, and thus is ten percent done with their personal 2021 marathon. (If you’re pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose and mentioning that “actually ten percent of 162 is 16.2,” then me and the boys are on our way to stuff you in a locker.)…
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Trident Deck Podcast Episode 2: All Fool’s Day
Happy Opening Day, Sailor! The Mariners are back, and so is the podcast. Please take a listen and then sign up for fantasy baseball with your Trident Deck friends and family! Podcast available on all the platforms that matter. Go wild!
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THE MARINERS LINEUP, SOLVED. A TRIDENT DECK EXCLUSIVE
This week, reading the internet, it seems to be Mariner Optimal Lineup Season (or szn for the hipper cats and kittens). And please believe we have A Take. Digging through the baseball internet of yore, I unearthed a lineup optimizer from the bush-era-web. The following datums were plugged into the machine, and I let the…
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INTENTIONAL ACTS OF TRIDENT(ness): Let’s have some fun.
Howdy Deckies! TL;DR Let’s have some baseball adjacent fun. Trident Deck will be running two fantasy baseball leagues (one traditional, one WeirdAss) for you, the Deckies, the Deckie-curious, and any merry pranksters you may know. Having made the term “deckie” (Tridentor? Deckhand? Idk we’ll make it up as we go) up seconds ago and seeing…
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The Trident is Good, Actually
Despite what you hear from conspiracy theorists, cowards, and superstitious minds, here’s what you need to remember about the trident logo: It’s good. Source: Me, and everyone else with a brain. There is no bias here, I promise.
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VIBES: Locals Only.
Howdy Seattle Mariner Fans! If you’re anything like me, a machine learning algorithm created for predicting baseball related outcomes and relating to humans, when you’re done with your shift at the fish-catching plant, you like to get in your Subaru and check out not only the 10-day forecast at the Space Needle while sipping some…
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The Mariners Don’t Need a Scapegoat. They Need a Reckoning
The villain has been vanquished. There is no work left to do now, only celebration. The one and only enemy is gone. Rest now, child. And enjoy Mariners baseball tomorrow. That is the future the Seattle Mariners want. The fans and players have rallied together, and now the team desperately wants to rally around the…
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Mariners Apology Translator
In the aftermath of Kevin Mather lighting himself and the organization on fire, the team finally managed to release an official statement on Monday, via this clean-looking graphic. The statement is allegedly to be read in the voice of John Stanton. He said some words, and some of them presumably meant something. Parsing through official…
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Fool Me Once, Shame on You. Fool Me — Can’t Get Fooled Again
The Seattle Mariners want you to believe that they want to win. You’ve seen the highlights, haven’t you? 1995? 2001? Those seasons really happened. You can’t deny that. That’s how you can trust them, when they tell you they want to win. The Seattle Mariners want you to believe that they hate to lose. You…
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James Paxton is Back, Which Means I Can Finally Look at a Maple Bar Without Crying Again
Finally. Do you have any idea how hard it’s been, any time I go into [well-known local donut establishment] and see those big, beautiful, brownish glazed pastries staring back at me? I think to myself, wow that is a big maple b— big maple? BIG MAPLE!!! I erupt in sobs and crumple to the floor.…
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