Finally. Do you have any idea how hard it’s been, any time I go into [well-known local donut establishment] and see those big, beautiful, brownish glazed pastries staring back at me? I think to myself, wow that is a big maple b— big maple? BIG MAPLE!!! I erupt in sobs and crumple to the floor. You would be surprised at how quickly a donut shop asks you to leave for this behavior. Eight donut shops, to be exact.

And don’t even get me started on what happens when I have the misfortune of coming across a maple tree. Let’s just say if there was any more weeping and gnashing of teeth, there’d be an Angel somewhere blaring a trumpet.

When word came out in early February via Ryan Divish that the Mariners may have turned down Paxton on an offer to return on a one year deal, legions of Mariners fans rose up like Dr. Strange had just sent them through portals to turn John Stanton to ash in the place where he stood.

The Mariners owner must have a better sense of self-preservation than a certain big purple baddie, as the prospective one year deal has now come to fruition according to a report from Chad Dey on Twitter. Good for him, good for James, and good for the fans. It’s an easy win for the Mariners that would’ve been bonkers to pass up.

The Mariners rotation, whether it be five, six, or twelve deep, is in desperate need of an established veteran presence. Who better to fill that role than the only good Canadian. Time to fire up the official Trident Deck Good Players Tracker™️: Folks, we got one.