Tag: satire
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Opinion: Ants Aggressively Biting Child After Their Home Got Destroyed is a Bad Look
On Wednesday afternoon an 11 year old boy in Tucson, AZ walked outside after his grandma said he could not play Nintendo Switch for a seventh straight hour, and looked for something to assert dominance over in order to help his tiny boy brain cope with his lack of control. He found his target in […]
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BREAKING: Baseball Embraces The Bold Future! Bazinga!
Announced Thursday, the professional sports league formerly known as Major League Baseball will now be known as Major League Baseball Presented By BazingaBuxxxACurrencyForANewGeneration (MLBazingaBuxxx). Sources say that the final sticking point for BazingaBuxxx(A Currency For A New Generation) was the abbreviation shifting from MLB to MLBazingaBuxxx and insertion of “Buxxx” replacing “Flag” in the National […]
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Rays $/fWAR Championship Parade Draws 0.000012 Million Fans
An estimated (fractional) million fans jammed downtown Tampa (or St Pete, it’s not actually Tampa; we’re not sure) on Tuesday for a parade celebrating the Tampa Bay Rays sixth $/fWAR title, clamoring for more with cheers of “We want seven!”, “Pivot This, Oakland!” and “Next year, right here, or Montreal, I guess!” A fiscally responsible […]
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Ahead of Schedule
I had a meeting scheduled for 8 am this morning. I’ve been pushing this meeting back for weeks now, for reasons far too complex to detail here. Actually, to be clear, this meeting was originally supposed to be for the person previously in my position. So you can understand why there would be a little […]
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RAPID REACTION: Draft Day Analysis
Here at Trident Deck dot blog we pride ourselves on two things above all else: speed, and accuracy. So when we come to you lightning-fast (within 18 hours) with our reactions on round 1 of the MLB draft, you know we mean business. Now we know you’ve got a lot to do today, so we’re […]
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Mariners Apology Translator
In the aftermath of Kevin Mather lighting himself and the organization on fire, the team finally managed to release an official statement on Monday, via this clean-looking graphic. The statement is allegedly to be read in the voice of John Stanton. He said some words, and some of them presumably meant something. Parsing through official […]
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Mariners Coaches to Pitching Staff: Go Easy On ‘Em
According to sources close to Trident Deck, before the Mariners began playing intra-squad practice games the pitching staff had a meeting in which the coaches told them to “go easy on ‘em,” referring to the young hitters they’d be going up against. “Look, they’re kids, ok? Taijuan, they don’t need you buzzing their tower and […]
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