Tournament of Sadness: Day 2 Update and Sweet 16 Preview

If you haven’t read the recap of day 1 yet, click here. Are you back? Okay great. Let’s talk about the Kingdome Region and the Compass Rose region, and what’s next.

Another Failed Rickie Weeks Experiment

The 1 seed in the Kingdome Region came up on Rickie Weeks like a one-hopper in the outfield grass. His eyes got real big, and it was already too late. That thing was gone. “4 total playoff appearances” has Final Four material written all over it.

Soul-Scarring Offense is Not Easily Forgotten
For as brutal as (4) 2010 Season was, the offense’s inability to make batters turn into runners and turn runners into scorers for several years was too much for many fans to handle. This 4 seed couldn’t fully exist without this 5 seed. When a 1 run lead in the 3rd inning feels insurmountable, it’s time to torch the whole thing.

A Haunting Name, A Haunting Moment

Bracketoligists underestimated the impact of Bobby Ayala here. While the singular moment of Arthur Rhode’s failure surely stings for many, the bludgeoning hammer of discouragement wielded by Bobby Ayala and his cohorts created torturous, drawn-out trauma.

“I am inevitable.
– Thanos”
-Bobby Ayala

Anger, Bitterness More Powerful Than Pity, Disgust
Austin Jackson is the sole reason the Mariners missed the postseason in 2014. There are also several other sole reasons (looking at you, Kendrys), but he is one of them. If he had made the choice to swing a bat hard one time, Felix is starting a playoff game. I have the data to support this. (No I don’t but that’s irrelevant). However illogical it may be, when fans watch a beloved player decide to go somewhere else to earn more dollars, they take it personal. When that player chooses to earn those dollars from the Texas Rangers, he deserves barf in his shoe.

The Mariners and Nationals Have Never Appeared in a World Series

Well I’m not sure what to tell you, sports fan. I don’t think this crown of infamy is going away anytime soon. Now what would make it worse is if James Paxton won one with the Yankees before the Mari– hahaha nope not gonna finish that thought.

Bill Bavasi Stands Atop Trash Heap, Says “I Made This For You”

Franklin Gutierrez is a tragedy, but he’s our tragedy. He’s also a triumph. He breaks our heart, but he never means to. Bill is an architect of pain, an agent of chaos. He tied his own shoelaces together in the war room, tripped and hit the MISSILE LAUNCH button while trying to catch himself. He sent the missiles straight up, and they fell on his head. Unfortunately his head was surrounded by a baseball team.

What Could Have Been

In a battle of unfulfilled promises, Danny Hultzen’s unseen future won out. The Big Three lost a wheel, and James and Taijuan were left to grieve.

The Last Great Chance

Mariners fans will never get to see Felix Hernandez in a playoff game in a Mariners uniform. The finality of that fact is made even worse when considering the crucial games that were lost to a probably-not-playing-by-the-rules Astros team, and the day that a tired, worn down Felix was hung out to dry by his manager. All of that could not stand up to the horror of knowing that the most successful team in regular season history could not do the only logical and inevitable thing left for them to do, which is win a championship. “We have had a great time,” the 2001 Mariners said. “Really, that’s enough excitement for one year. We surely will be back in this position soon, and can take care of the championship winning at that point. Until then, we will rest.”

Only 16 sads remain, and they will continue their depressing march on Friday morning. The experts are predicting many more close match-ups in this round. See you in the voting booth, Sailor.

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