Some franchises dabble in sadness. Others embrace it fully. The Seattle Mariners routinely uncork vintage bottles of sadness, inhale deeply, and then pour them all over their body. Sadness is an art, and the Mariners are teaching a masterclass. It comes in many forms: A game, a play, a player, an event. In the coming weeks you, dear reader, will help decide what is The Saddest Thing in Mariners history. It is bracket season, so this will be decided via twitter poll in a bracket format. You are welcome to whine and cry about the seeding and the snubs to your heart’s content. Please direct these complaints to dontcare@tridentdeck.com. Now, let’s meet the players.

The Trident Region
1) 1977-1994. The all of it.
2) Griffey traded
3) Chone Figgins
4) Adam Jones
5) Randy Johnson traded
6) Griffey broken wrist
7) Astros move to AL West
8) FINAL: Cleveland 15, Seattle 14. August 5th, 2001

The Kingdome Region
1) 4 total playoff appearances
2) A-Rod leaves
3) Rhodes vs. Justice
4) 2010 Season (BELIEVE BIG)
5) Offensive offense (2010-2012)
6) Bobby Ayala
7) Austin Jackson
8) Rickie Weeks

The Compass Rose Region
1) Only team with no World Series appearances
2) 2001 ALCS
3) Danny Hultzen
4) Franklin Gutierrez
5) Bill Bavasi
6) Jeff Clement
7) Felix meltdown(s) in Houston
8) James Paxton traded

The Marine Layer Region
1) Longest active playoff drought
2) Dustin Ackley
3) Game 161
4) Jesus Montero
5) Jack Zduriencik
6) Mike Zunino
7) Night Court
8) Haniger’s beans get re-fried

In the coming days, the bracket will be made available and the polls will begin. What is there to gain from this celebration of futility? Community, my friend. Let’s Be Sad Together.