Category: satire
-
Opinion: Ants Aggressively Biting Child After Their Home Got Destroyed is a Bad Look
On Wednesday afternoon an 11 year old boy in Tucson, AZ walked outside after his grandma said he could not play Nintendo Switch for a seventh straight hour, and looked for something to assert dominance over in order to help his tiny boy brain cope with his lack of control. He found his target in […]
-
RAPID REACTION: Draft Day Analysis
Here at Trident Deck dot blog we pride ourselves on two things above all else: speed, and accuracy. So when we come to you lightning-fast (within 18 hours) with our reactions on round 1 of the MLB draft, you know we mean business. Now we know you’ve got a lot to do today, so we’re […]
-
YACHT ROCK: RUMINATIONS ON 80 ODD BASEBALL GAMES
Hi Deckies! The erstwhite Blog Governor has glued himelf to himself in the name of Science, so it’s time to give you the textual equivalent of “rolling out the tv and playing October Sky”. To the fan of The Auto ReOrder, pipe down my piglet(s), you’ll get your Overcaffinated Helicopter Tour Of The Mariner in […]
-
John Stanton Offered Complimentary Dessert at Restaurant, Politely Declines
A trusted Trident Deck source has confirmed that on a recent trip to Red Robin, Mariners majority owner John Stanton was also there with his family, seated in the VIP section next to the giant Red Robin mascot statue. Now, I know you’re wondering why in the world someone of Mr. Stanton’s status would be […]
-
Dipoto Defends Cuts of Minor Leaguers, Says “All the Cool Teams Are Doing It”
“I have a reputation to protect, here.” A visibly annoyed Jerry Dipoto said. “All these other guys are doing it, and they all think I’m cool. What am I supposed to do, not join them and out myself as a total dweeb? No chance, man.” When Dipoto was informed that the Kansas City Royals intend […]
-
Mariners Desperately Searching for Something Shiny With Which to Distract the Fanbase
After announcing today that they would be furloughing some employees and releasing a bunch of minor leaguers, the Mariners front office has spent the day frantically rummaging through storage closets for something shiny to dangle in front of the fans, in hopes it will distract them from this unfortunate turn of events. “I thought I […]
Trident Deck 