Author: Shane Hall
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Opinion: Ants Aggressively Biting Child After Their Home Got Destroyed is a Bad Look
On Wednesday afternoon an 11 year old boy in Tucson, AZ walked outside after his grandma said he could not play Nintendo Switch for a seventh straight hour, and looked for something to assert dominance over in order to help his tiny boy brain cope with his lack of control. He found his target in […]
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How to Avoid Getting Duped This Hot-Stove Season
Sailor, it’s the offseason. Move-making season. Get-good-players season. And you know what that means: it’s also fake account season. Rumors and news will be flying all over the place, and a lot of it will be more phony than Ellen Degeneres. The last thing anyone wants is to log on to the World Wide Web […]
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Final Dude Watch Board of 2021
While the Dude Watch board updates were extremely irregular and altogether absent from the last couple months of the season (much to the dismay of some of you,) don’t doubt for a second that Dudes were still being tracked. Remember — the type of players you want on your team fall into tiers called guys, […]
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All the Full Names We Gave to Ty France in 2021
Here is a list of all 40 different names we gave to Ty France during games this season. Enjoy. Tychalet Tymongous Tybootie Tyduerr Tystrongus Ty’Son Tymore Tygrown Tyjuule Tytube Tyjean Tychelle Tyvance Tydale Tyrillian Tylunch Tyboo Tyruille Tygrolphus Typatterson Tyburt Tystada Tychussetts Tycastamere Tyroulle Tydonk Tychillus Tysephus Tyruggs Tybrongius Tytanium Typhoon Tydal Tyrhon Tyberius Tylliard […]
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2021-2022 Offseason “Get Good Players” Tracker
Welcome to the first ever official Trident Deck Get Good Players Tracker! Whenever the Seattle Mariners acquire a good player, this page will update! It’s that simple. This cutting-edge technology will help you understand which of the team’s offseason moves are made in the spirit of the most important team-building strategy: “get good players.” Now […]
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Ahead of Schedule
I had a meeting scheduled for 8 am this morning. I’ve been pushing this meeting back for weeks now, for reasons far too complex to detail here. Actually, to be clear, this meeting was originally supposed to be for the person previously in my position. So you can understand why there would be a little […]
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So I Begin With the End in Mind
The Seattle Mariners, as they have found themselves many times in the last 26 years, are standing on the edge of something. Depending on who you ask and when you ask them, it could be a beginning, or an ending. A beginning of success. An end of futility. A beginning of new pain. An end […]
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Donations and Dingers: A Recap of the Trident Deck Charity Wiffle Ball Home Run Derby
On Saturday September 18th, 16 brave souls and a smattering of familial onlookers gathered on a sloppy baseball field in the city of Kent, WA to experience the thrill of plastic-on-plastic power surges and friendly competition. An event two months in the making was finally actualized, and even the disgusting weather took a break out […]
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A Much-Deserved Reward
I politely remind my daughter to eat her dinner. It is five microwaved dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, and a handful of grapes. It is what she requested. It’s been sitting next to her for ten minutes, as she stares at the television where talking ponies with tattoos on their haunches are tackling some new dilemma through […]
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