If you don’t make predictions before the season begins, legend has it that a little old witch will take you from your bed in the middle of the night and cook you into a pie. In fact, this happened to my buddy Eric once. That’s why you see everyone frantically throwing out their predictions in the days and hours leading up to game time, not because anyone actually enjoys it. Yes, Sailor, technically the 2022 season did get underway yesterday, but the Mariners haven’t played yet. That’s an exploitable loophole and if there’s one thing Trident Deck is here to do, it’s exploit loopholes. Especially when the alternative is getting cooked into a witch pie.

I brought in site contributors Nick Polak and Brian Tesch to give their predictions as well, because they have bigger brains than me and lend this blog just the slightest bit of credibility. We’ll give you predictions on all the standard stuff, sure, but this is Trident Deck. You know it’s about to get dumb. Let’s dive in.

Nick’s Normal Predictions

AL East: Jays
AL Central: Twins
AL West: Astros
AL WC: Rays, Mariners, White Sox

NL East: Braves
NL Central: Brewers
NL West: Dodgers
NL WC: Padres, Mets, Giants

AL Champ: Jays
NL Champ: Mets
World Series Champs: Jays

AL MVP: Vladdy AL CY: Robbie Ray (read it and weep, b****)
AL ROY: Julio
AL Manager of the Year: Rocco Baldelli
AL Comeback: Verlander
NL MVP: Matt Olson
NL CY: Logan Webb
NL ROY: CJ Abrams
NL Manager: Bob Melvin
NL Comeback: Acuna

Brian’s Normal Predictions

AL East: Jays
AL Central: White Sox (worse record than all WC teams)
AL West: Angels
AL WC: Yankees, Red Sox, Astros

NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cardinals
NL West: Dodgers
NL WC: Braves, Brewers, Padres

AL Champ: White Sox
NL Champ: Dodgers
World Series Champs: Dodgers

AL MVP: Mike Trout
AL CY: Shane Bieber (Ray finishes 4th)
AL ROY: Julio & Stevie Kwan split award
AL Comeback: Verlander

NL MVP: Juan Soto
NL CY: Corbin Brunes
NL ROY: Seiya Suzuki
NL Comeback: Christian Yelich

Shane’s Normal Predictions

AL East: Jays
AL Central: White Sox
AL West: Astros
WC: Rays, Yankees, Twins

NL East: Barves
NL Central: Cardinals
NL West: Dodgers
WC: Phillies, Brewers, Giants

AL Champ: Jays
NL Champ: Dodgers
World Series champ: Jays

AL MVP: Trout
AL Cy: Cole
AL ROY: Julio
AL Comeback: Verlander

NL MVP: Soto
NL Cy: Buehler
NL ROY: Oneil Cruz
NL Comeback: Acuña

LET’S GET SPICY

Nick:

1. At some point, the A’s win 11 straight games, but also finish last in the AL West.
2. Kelenic goes 25/15 and personally delivers the doubters to the gates of hell on his back
3. Gilbert runs a K/9 rate upwards of 11.5
4. Jorge Soler leads the NL in home runs until he gets traded to the Red Sox at the deadline
5. Steven Kwan hits .320
6. Craig Kimbrel sucks. That’s it, that’s the prediction.
7. Semien and Seager combine for fewer than 45 home runs.
8. Harrison Bader leads the Cardinals in offensive WAR
9. The Phillies are NOT the worst defensive team in baseball

Brian:

1. Mariners finish 3rd in AL West but only 2 games behind AL West winning Angels
2. George Kirby makes more starts than Matt Brash
3. Eugenio Suàrez DFA’d by sept 1st
4. Andres Munoz leads the team in saves
5. Kyle Lewis starts more games in the OF than Kelenic (traded to Marlins for SP)
6. Over 4 “Jesse Winker takes pride in his defense” gifs by end of the year
7. All mine are too mean, Cal “Big Dumper” Raleigh finishes the year with the most fWAR of any AL West Catcher

Shane:

1. Albert Pujols will finish the season and retire with 701 career HR
2. Scott Servais will give some kind of snarky and/or inspirational quote that everybody scrambles to put on a t-shirt
3. Bobby Witt Jr. will be the fifth best AL rookie by fWAR
4. A small fire inside Minute Maid Park will delay a game by 45 minutes
5. Alex Rodriguez will say some nonsense about the stock market while trying to make an argument that the Blue Jays don’t hit the ball on the ground enough
6. The Mariners will field a lineup in September in which every hitter has double digit HR for the season (JP off day, Frazier at SS)
7. Julio and Kelenic will both be walk-off heroes
8. Dusty Baker will swallow a toothpick mid-interview and keep going
9. A pack of dogs will rush the field on Bark at the Park night

Check back in six months to confirm that all three of us are very good and very correct.

LET’S BASEBALL