Announced Thursday, the professional sports league formerly known as Major League Baseball will now be known as Major League Baseball Presented By BazingaBuxxxACurrencyForANewGeneration (MLBazingaBuxxx).
Sources say that the final sticking point for BazingaBuxxx(A Currency For A New Generation) was the abbreviation shifting from MLB to MLBazingaBuxxx and insertion of “Buxxx” replacing “Flag” in the National Anthem for all affiliated minor league (henceforth known as MiLBBazingaBuxxx) games. Signage at the league office will change into “those neon lights from Pottersville-ass decor” over the holiday break and marks yet another fever-dream landmark for a nation wondering collectively, “how did I get here.”
“The name change recognizing these technologies will be at the forefront of powering the future of culture, creativity, entertainment, healthcare, education, transportation, sewage disposal, and eldercare not just here in New York, but in the known universe,” said Tootski Ski-Team, COO of BazingaBuxxx (A Currency For A New Generation) in a statement Thursday. Cryptocurrency trading surged amongst the bored folks with email jobs that figured out they only at most were doing 20 hours of real work a week during the pandemic.
Major League Baseball, founded in 1903, famously was once renamed Major Laudanum (A tincture to get you through!) Baseball as the league looked to secure funding in the fledgling days of its existence.
Commissioner of Baseball Rob Manfred could not be reached for comment. Still, the league PR released a statement stating it was “Thrilled to finally be a part of the 21st century and have something to talk to our weird nephews about over the holidays.”
Details on how much BazingaBuxxx(A Currency For A New Generation), a Deleware-based non-fungible token and LLC, paid for the naming rights to what is now known as MLBazingaBuxxx were not released. Asked for a statement, Ski-Team offered, “trust me, bro.”
BazingaBuxxx has famously added Director Spike Lee and Who Even Knows At This Point Kato Kalin as spokespeople. It seeks to ramp up brand recognition in the U.S amongst Just The Worst People You Know and expand its reach of acceptance outside of websites you need TOR for and a gas station in Hermiston.
“This partnership represents the fastest-growing cryptocurrency and the biggest sports and live entertainment company in the world of baseball converging to drive the future of sports, live entertainment, interplanetary travel, famine prevention, famine creation, sustainable manufacturing, corporate synergy, and you’re probably done reading at this point, but really we’re out to make a quick buck. If you haven’t seen that already, then don’t know what to tell ya, pal.” said Chaim Nancebro, the chief revenue officer at BNY Mellon.
Nacnebro, added that it marks “an exciting new chapter in the history of Explicitly Evil Shit” and “Ski-Team knows the best guy and is doing some COOL stuff with The Crypto Eyes in photoshop.”
The name change echoes trends seen elsewhere in the professional sports landscape of North America, as earlier this year, the former NFL and NBA became NFLitecoin and NBAstroglide.
BazingaBuxxx PR failed to respond to emails on Thursday. Still, a member of their team did wake up on my doorstep last night and stated that if you’re in the tri-state area, they will try and set the record for electricity consumed within 24 hours on Saturday. You should “be there broski!” exclaimed a very soggy unnamed man who seemed to be in unusually good spirits.