Hey, you. Yes, you. Step into my office. We need to talk. Look, I’m going to be as straightforward about this as I can: you need to get your act together. I know that sounds harsh. But I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t think you could take it. The fact of the matter is you’ve not been a very good fan at all lately, and the Seattle Mariners deserve better. Top tier organizations require top tier fandom. Any group is only as good as its weakest link, and right now…you? Woof. This is not good enough. I’d like to think you’re capable of more.
Here’s what we need from you going forward:
- Regulate your enthusiasm levels
- Have fun, in the right way
- Let others have fun, as long as it’s in the right way
- But also take this more seriously
- Ensure all your takes are good (you’ve been messing this one up a lot)
- Support everyone in your community
- Except for them
- And them
- DEFINITELY not them
- Get more educated
- Stop focusing so much on stats and information
- Also stop focusing on the eye test and emotions
- Stop focusing
- FOCUS. THE TEAM NEEDS YOU.
Lastly, and I think most importantly, *please* stop embarrassing us. We have a proud image to uphold. Ok, I think this has all been very clear. We’re on the same page, yes? Yes. Good. Shape up or ship out, Sailor.