Grab a mop, Sailor. This thing is filthy.
Blue Jays Considering Nomadic Lifestyle
After the Canadian government said “thanks, but no thanks” to the home country Jays playing in Toronto, the team is flying aimlessly in search of a place to play. They’d prefer a Major League park, apparently. I’d prefer to not have a baseball season given the current circumstances, but neither of us may get what we want here.
Commissioner Manfred Forging One Baseball to Rule Them All, One Baseball to Find Them. One Baseball to Bring Them All and In the Darkness Bind Them
Minor League Baseball will be cast into the flames, it’s former management left to exist in a realm between the living and the dead; doomed to fly around shrieking in search of all bat-and-ball sports that must be taken to forge the One Baseball. T-Ball as we know it will soon be at an end.
The Bard is Back
For the first time in seven years Daniel Bard will be pitching for a Major League team, having remarkably overcome a brutal case of the yips. If there’s anything that can test his newly rediscovered ability to throw strikes, it’s COORS.
The Great Audio-Visual Experiment
MLB plans to pump in crowd noise from a video game this season, during games which will very obviously have no crowds. This brutal testing of the human limits of cognitive dissonance could have horrifying results.