Can you field a full lineup using only first round draft picks by the Seattle Mariners in this century? The answer of course is yes, or you would not be reading this right now. Can you field a good lineup? Well…let’s just say this team comes out looking VERY 21st Century Mariners. There is a full defensive lineup, a DH, five starting pitchers, and two relievers. Let’s get started. With the first pick in the 21st Century 1st Round Re-draft, the Seattle Mariners select…

Mike Zunino – Catcher
One of three catchers on the board, Mike was the clear choice. A captain to rally the troops and keep them in line, some have even called him “good.”

Evan White – First Base
Whenever you can secure the fourth best first baseman in franchise history, you absolutely have to do it. What do we really know about Evan at this point? Well, he is very nice. Sometimes that’s enough.

Dustin Ackley – Second Base
THIS time it’s going to work. That magical first summer will extend for another 13 years, and in a few more we’ll all be tearing up as we watch the Hall of Fame ceremony.

Nick Franklin – Shortstop
Are you ready for enticing power and shoddy plate discipline? Of course you are, you’re a Mariners fan. As a bonus, you get a cool spiderweb elbow tattoo.

DJ Peterson – Third Base
Somebody, definitely not me, was very convinced that DJ was the real deal and was absolutely going to be a fixture in the middle of the order for years to come. Again, it was not me.

Alex Jackson – Right Field
The best high school hitter in the draft? Nice! Sign me up! Now we just sit back and wait for the Mariners to develop him into an All-Star…….uh…how long does this take again?

Adam Jones – Center Field
Finally, Mariners fans get to experience what they always should have had. Once again a star center fielder roams the grass at Safe-Mobile Park.

Kyle Lewis – Left Field
Close your eyes, and let this beautiful sentence wash over you…”Adam Jones and Kyle Lewis go back-to-back for a league-leading tenth time this year, holy smokes! They also combine for the worst K to BB ratio of any two 3rd and 4th hitters in the league…” wait no shoot you weren’t supposed to hear that last part!

Jeff Clement – Designated….Hitter?
Look, I don’t like it any more than you do. Unfortunately the M’s did not leave us with a lot of options to fill this spot. Let’s just daydream about that 2007 cup of coffee, shall we?

Danny Hultzen – Staff Ace
Don’t look at me like that. We’re re-drafting an entire team over a 20 year span and pretending they can all play together, reality is out the window. Danny doesn’t get hurt anymore. He only causes pain for opposing batters.

Taijuan Walker – The “2” in 1-2 Punch
Now we have two thirds of the Big Three, this is shaping up nicely. Thanks to that high powered offense we’ve got up there, no need to ever trade this guy for a shortstop and an outfielder.

Brandon Morrow – Also a Starting Pitcher
Thanks for being here, Brandon. Go toss the ‘ol ball a few times, that’s all we need.

Logan Gilbert – Future Ace in Training
Future Hall of Famer in training as well, if you ask me. The first True Ace of the Dipoto developmental system, and not a moment to soon.

George Kirby – Fifth Starter, For Now
Two first names, one good pitcher. George can use all that college experience to solidly anchor the bottom of the rotation.

Josh Fields – A Reliever
Welcome home, Josh. Maybe stay awhile this time.

Phillippe Aumont – Also Relieving
This two man bullpen is a giant yikes. This Mariners team needs to avoid late-and-close at all costs.

Here is a team made up of 16 first round draft picks, and I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that this would probably be one of the worst Mariners teams of the past 20 years. While there are some unknowns that could boost their value (White, Gilbert, Kirby), it’s probably not enough. This lineup produces an unholy number of strikeouts, a dismal number of walks, and not nearly enough power to make up for it. As far as the pitching goes, again, there’s some unknown there. Maybe they’re all great, and maybe this team can win 74 games. Maybe. The bottom line is that drafting is hard, and you should not do it under any circumstances.