These are the ones that stick with us. The mistakes so heinous, so absurd, that they are seared into our collective consciousness forever. So what do we do with them, knowing they won’t leave? We pull them out and laugh at them periodically, because there is nothing else to do. With the help of some readers, we have curated a collection of the absolute dumbest, weirdest, most painful things the Mariners have ever done on a baseball diamond.
Things Can Only Go Up From Here
“It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.” “Can you win a game in the first inning? No!” etc., etc. The Mariners thought maybe they would just ease into it on August 27th, 2017. Turns out if you start too slow, the wheels just fall off.
Dylan Moore Drops By Omar Narvaez’ House, No One Home
Dylan just wanted to swing by and say “hey–ohhh no I totally forgot you said you were going to Edwin’s house today!!”
Dylan Moore Has A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Inning
It’s a wonder that Moore didn’t hop on a bicycle and ride out of town immediately after this one.
Brad Miller Does Not Want the Party to End
It is April 17th 2014. The Seattle Mariners are visiting the Texas Rangers, and it is the 9th inning. The Fernando Rodney Experience is in effect. There are two outs, and runners on 1st and 2nd. Brad Miller decides he is not ready for the ride to be over, and delivers a jolt of his own FRE energy.
Raul Ibanez Celebrates a Touchdown, Again
Raul likes to imagine another life in which he’s an elite NFL tight end.
Jack Wilson Throws Air
In the 13th inning of a 6-6 tie vs. Boston, Jack thought it would be a great time for some performance art.
Rickie Weeks Has Regrets
It’s not Rickie’s fault that he ended up in left field. That was the work of a mad scientist who was desperately flinging potions and acids at the wall, hoping whatever vile life form emerged from that oozing puddle could be a winning baseball team. Rickie’s mistake was joining the grotesque experiment in the first place, and allowing himself to endure this torture.
Butch Huskey Has No Interest in the Confines of Time and Space
There is only Butch, and ball. There is nothing else. No fans. No opponent. No field. Just the force of one man’s will versus an object’s velocity. There is only–WHAM! Oh. Oh no. Well, Butch has ascended to another plane of existence now, but not in the way he meant to do it.
Betancourt vs. Chavez
While there is no official error scored on this play, I think we can all agree that Yuniesky Betancourt sprinting into the heart of left field on a one man murder mission (and Endy refusing to call him off) is an error.
Adrian Beltre to Baseball: “You wanna get nuts?”
Beltre plays goalie with the wrong equipment. And somehow fires off a throw to first that, under the circumstances, you must admit is pretty good. A lesser man would not attempt a throw at all in the aftermath of that devastation. But not only did Adrian do that, he continued to play FIVE MORE INNINGS with a, uh, serious problem.
The Mariners didn’t birth the error, but they have loved it and nurtured it. Whether you like it or not, they will continue to add to this list. Just hopefully not in the 9th inning of a game they end up losing, in a season in which they finish one game out of a playoff spot.